1. |
private number
02:32
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Met you on the parkway at the edge of town
Sat silently beside you while you ran your mouth
Through all your regrets and miscommunications
Until finally you asked if I wanted to make out
I thought I loved you, thought I knew you then
Didn't notice how you broke off all my friends
Thanks for the trauma, don't ever call me again
How hollow I became trying to fit you in
Do you think it's a joke that I wanna kill you
Do you think it's funny that I hate your guts
Who told you to keep showing up uninvited
Like a bitter cancer trying to take my life
Texting me at 3AM to tell me how you've changed
Six paragraphs about what could have been
Fell asleep before I got through it all
Woke up to three more texts and four missed calls
I swear to god I don't still think about you
That I'm sincerely happy now we're over
But after blocking all your contacts
You just keep coming back as a private number
Do you think it's a joke that I wanna kill you
Do you think it's funny that I hate your guts
Who told you to keep showing up uninvited
Like a bitter cancer trying to take my life
Do you think it's a joke that I wanna kill you
Do you think it's funny that I hate your guts
Who told you to keep showing up uninvited
Like a bitter cancer trying to take my life
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2. |
plan c
03:16
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Waking up in a cold sweat
Alone in a queen size bed
Already two weeks late
In the reddest state
Without ten bucks to your name
Called out sick from the cafe
Couldn't risk trying to relay
Why you can't come in
Call your oldest friend
Your ride or die to the penal end
He's only eighteen
But they're calling his name
Now he's back where it started
Wondering how much he's changed
It should be easy
Should be so fucking easy
Hopping states for abortions
Rejecting legal misfortune
With a better plan c
No coat hanger leads
Or wild poisonous weeds
Got stopped by a bored cop
Misgendered at truck stops
For wearing pink
Scrub it off in the sink
Buy a donut and a blue icee
He's only eighteen
But they're calling his name
Now he's back where it started
Wondering how much he's changed
It should be easy
Should be so fucking easy
He's only eighteen
But they're calling his name
Now he's back where it started
Wondering how much he's changed
It should be easy
Should be so fucking easy
We don't have time for your fetus flags
For your pussy hats
For your concern acts
For your Facebook rants
For your inaction
For your voting plees
And crisis center schemes
We don't have time for your rapist judge
For your trigger laws
For your loaded guns
For your handmade gowns
And adoption clowns
For your racist town
And your TERF pronouns
They're only eighteen
But they're calling their name
Now it's back where it started
Wondering how much they've changed
It should be easy
Should be so fucking easy
She's only eighteen
But he's calling her name
Now she's back where it started
Wondering how much she's changed
It should be easy
Should be so fucking easy
He's only eighteen
But they're calling his name
Now he's back where it started
Wondering how much he's changed
It should be easy
Should be so fucking easy
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3. |
the baby
02:20
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What do you see out of those bright green marbles
Is your world upside down or are you just a bit fragile
Would you sit on my face if I started to snore
Kill me in my sleep just because you're bored
I'm just a baby
Don't hate me
Just because I'm cuter than you
I'm a baby
Don't tease me
Or try to make me move
I'm the only creature in the goddamn world
For you
You must worship yourself to think I'd even to try
I'm a busy girl sunbathing 9-5
This apartment's cramped but I learned to make do
Until that awful fucking day when you invited somebody new
I'm just a baby
Don't hate me
Just because I'm cuter than you
I'm a baby
Don't tease me
Or try to make me move
I'm just a baby
Don't hate me
Just because I'm cuter than you
I'm the only creature in the goddamn world
For you
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4. |
sippin' on a sour
02:36
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You're piling books up on the floor
Say you're gonna read the whole damn world
But when your head starts to cloud
And you feel you're coming down
You pack your things and head to town
I'll find you
Sippin' on a sour
And we'll sit and talk for hours
About the world we hope one day we'll get to see
And I don't know much about politics
But I hope the future that we pick
Is one where you're here beside me
You've got more hope than I've ever seen
They tried to burn it out but you still believe
In saving this broken town
As it's crumbling down
You grab your things and join the crowd
I'll find you
Sippin' on a sour
And we'll sit and talk for hours
About the world we hope one day we'll get to see
And I don't know much about politics
But I hope the future that we pick
Is one where you're here beside me
I'll find you
Sippin' on a sour
And we'll sit and talk for hours
About the world we hope one day we'll get to see
And I don't know much about politics
But I hope the future that we pick
Is one where you're here beside me
I'll find you
Sippin' on a sour
And we'll sit and talk for hours
About the world we hope one day we'll get to see
And I don't know much about politics
But I hope the future that we pick
Is one where you're here beside me
I hope it's one where you're here beside me
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5. |
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Waking up gets harder with every passing moment
Try to shut out the screams calling for early abridgment
To this nightmare we've been left in
While the adults are away
Gambling on how soon we'll turn
And eat our own neighbor's face
Sleeping in gets worse with every knock upon the door
The end is near they scream as they take a big shit upon your porch
All these divine laws
And allusions to hide behind
Pulling every trigger
Praying we're not the ones who die
I'm not a nihilist
I'm just a bit exhausted by the thought
Of how much worse it can get
How much worse it's already got
I'm not a nihilist
I'm just a bit exhausted by the thought
Of how much worse it can get
(how much worse could it really get)
Falling asleep gets harder with every terrifying thought
Of racist cops and Nazi fucks and Democrats all out to lunch
Choking down the plague
And getting clocked in hell
Just trying not to die
Before the mid terms come around
I'm not a nihilist
I'm just a bit exhausted by the thought
Of how much worse this can get
How much worse it's already got
I'm not a nihilist
I'm just a bit exhausted by the thought
Of how much worse this can get
(but how much worse could it really get)
Wait a year and make a movie
Sell our trauma back as ancient history
Pretend it's all just allegory
Lie and say the world is healing
Mythologize our dead and grieving
Profit on the grift of always leaving
All these problems for our children
They'll be dead before they even see 'em
Hide inside your little bunker
Contracting novel forms of deadly cancer
No one to help you as you choke out
We're all alone in this together
Just a speck screaming for answers
As the walls echo back there's no one out here
Shrug it off one final time
Embrace the sun as the whole world crumbles
I'm not a nihilist
I'm just a litte exhausted by the thought
Of how much worse it's all gonna get
Of how much worse it's already got
I'm not a nihilist
I'm just a little exhausted by the thought
Of how much worse it's all gonna get
Of how much worse it's already got
I'm not a nihilist
I'm just a litte exhausted by the thought
Of all these terrifying thoughts
Oh god won't someone shut them up
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6. |
disappear
04:31
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I'm 9 years old in the back of a church
Learning how the cermony will work
Trying to shrink into this metal folding chair
Praying to a god I'm pretty sure doesn't care
Cause I'm young and scared and never learned how to talk
So they don't hear me when I say I'm not, not ready to walk
Their hands on my sholders as we practice the steps
Watching my body move while I'm somewhere else, praying
If there's a god up there
Can he make me, can he make me disappear
If there's a god up there
Can he make me, can he make me disappear
But the big day comes and I'm all dressed up
Sitting in a pew waiting to be called
Mom's wearing a dress I've never seen before
I don't notice when they start pushing me to go
As I step out and I take my place
I feel the blood drain from my face
Panic setting in, dark as sin
I turn and run, I turn and run and pray
If there's a god up there
Can he make me, can he make me disappear
If there's a god up there
Can he make me, can he make me disappear
Half asleep on the floor my mom leans in close
Tells me every night she prays, prays to save my soul
Who knew there were children in hell
Who knew it was so easy to tell
Who knew how fast they fell
(Oh god...)
If there's a god up there
Can he make me, can he make me disappear
If there's a god up there
Can he make me, can he make me disappear
Disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear
Disappear, disappear, disappear, disappear
Disappear
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7. |
jessamine
03:23
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The fall air smells like gasoline
Cheap beer and cheaper grease
I don't know half the people next to me
Bite my tongue until it bleeds
Salt the earth for looking green
It's cold in your mother's house
Like she's still here turning it down
Wish I'd been nicer to her now
Or mean enough to feel ashamed
As I watch you pack her things
The first time I saw you cry
She was staring at us both still half alive
You forced a smile and a shaky lie
Told her it was fine
Told her it was fine
When she forgot you a second time
Someday when you pass
Hope I'll have the strength to let you rest
In the backyard under the jessamine
Next to the barn
Where you showed me
Where you showed me
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8. |
song for your ghost
03:27
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I think I'm ready for a change
It's been eating at my body and fogging up my brain
If I could press a button and watch it fall away
In an instant
In a day
Can you see me
The girl in front of you
I've died here once before
Now just a ghost that you once knew
Can you see me
Say my name and make it true
There's so much I want to do
So much I want for you
Carve out my voice and break my back
Slim me down, wrap me in plastic, label the things that I still lack
Teach me the spell, make it pass
In an instant
Can you see me
The girl in front of you
I've died here once before
Now just a ghost that you once knew
Can you see me
Say my name and make it true
There's so much I want to do
So much I want for you
For you
For you
For you
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9. |
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Pack the cats into your soul
Hit the road we're heading for the coast
It's the end of the world
But we're making the most of it
Drive past the looters
The Best Buy on fire
Places we'd get coffee before the disaster
I already miss it
Slam your foot on the gas
As we're passing through Georgia
Wish I'd made time to know her
Wish I'd made time for a lotta things
But it's too late now
It's the end of the world
I love you
It's the end of the world
I love you
As we cross state borders and run out of road
I grab your hand and hope that you know
We're glimpsing the ocean
The waves are burning
There's something huge moving under the sea
And I know it's too for late you and me
Yeah we've made some mistakes
But if this is the last time I get to kiss your face
Forget about before and forget what comes next
Live in this moment cause it's probably our last
It's the end of the world
I love you
It's the end of the world
I love you
As the earth cracks open and swallows us whole
I grab hold of you and pray that you know
It's the end of the world
I love you
It's the end of the world
I love you
I'll see you in hell with all of our friends
Don't think for a second that this is the end
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nathalie Knoxville, Tennessee
your new cringecore crush, working through her trauma one song at a time.
she/her
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